1, 2, 3 BLOOOGGG

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When i opened wordpress tonight..the first thing that fell into my eye was the write button. It somehow seems new because i havent blogged in exactly 78690345000 days , well not the exact number but i havent blogged in like forever! days spent not blogging  are days of pain and disappointment in myself..and if i cant write am miserable so i have been miserable since my last blog post!

 

write..it felt like someone was watching me and new i deeply inside need to write. I don’t have to know how, i don’t have to know what, since being in control of that is overrated. Neither am i going to beat myself over why i haven’t blogged in a long time, and how i feel like i have let down my readers. I cant blame myself for that, since my blessing in disguise came as “MEDICAL SCHOOL” if you know what i mean.

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The now is what i have, and let me use it. My one week Christmas break officially starts today! and since i not only hate Christmas but also have no plans for the entire season , other than stay in bed, ignore my face and hair  then eat..and get fat!

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My Christmas present is going to be spamming wordpress with my blogging..until exams do us apart..

I have missed every single thing about wordpress..about blogging, about amazing people and what they have to say through their writing!

MERRY XMAS EVERYONE!!!

 

 

“Falling, rising and staying Great!”

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The picture above is of me and my classmates a few minutes after landing in Ruhengeri Hospital for our junior clerkship. I have never felt as energetic and enthusiastic as i felt that day. It was a cold rainy morning yet full of promises of what my life was going to be for the next 4 months.

I haven’t been posting lately because i practically live in the hospital. I work long hours, skip lunch often, and do more than am supposed to do as long as i feel its important to know. I have made learning and training myself as a future doctor a priority above everything else. which is good, motivating yet killing me at the same time! Today, i am posting this because am laying in bed sick, weak and with a mind thats making a long long speech about how weak and incapable i am!

WHAT I LEARNT THROUGH FALLING!

#1 when a car works longer distances than it used to it needs more fuel. without the fuel and extra care it needs it will inevitably break down. If you have an extra hectic schedule it’s the time to take better care of yourself. think of your health and self-care as the fuel you need so you don’t break down. Exercise, stay hydrated, eat more often and get good sleep and listen to your body.

 

#2 If you fail once or even twice: today i feel left behind and like the worst student because i was supposed to go at the hospital and be learning right now. a few days ago i failed a pathophysiology exam and i swear i wanted to die.

looking back now i failed one exam out of more than other 15 terribly hard exams!  and i feel like a loser ?? come on!!  i know am not the only one who feels this way but why should that one imperfection trick you into believing you are not great ? not trying hard ? and not making it ?

Same goes to how i felt he first week of clinicals.  I spent a long long time in the delivery room or operating theater learning a ton of things and i felt like the medical student am supposed to be. Now that am sick for a few days and i feel like a failure. but heck it’s not true !

#3 Falling, failing and not being as good as we wished we could be is always going to be part of the process.  Yet our light shines in the way we handle it.The way we believe in our greatness when they are no traces of it in the now. The way we still love ourselves, and the way we pick up the pace undiscouraged by the small bumps along the way.

AM SENDING STRENGTH AND LOVE TO EVERYONE FEELING LIKE THIS XX

 

The trip is loading..

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The picture above is of me on Wednesday as i did part one of my trip to Kigali then doing the rest part tomorrow to Musanze ,for the most awaited clinicals!  the bestie is sound asleep!  while i take selfies involving the rest of the passengers without their consent of course!

She looks alot prettier than that when she is awake i promise! and am not gonna see her for a long time and its gonna kill me. on the bright side she can be terrible influence ( in a sweet way though) at times so i will concentrate on learning how to save lives insteaIMG_20160504_172319

Taken through the window of the bus  on our way, somewhere near Kigali..it takes being in a bus to admire the beauty of my country!

anybody wants to wish me a safe journey?

HELLO IT’S MEE !!

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HELLO IT’S ME, everyone please have a banana, if you hate bananas have a minion, if you hate minions well have a glass of water its good for your health!! smiles smiles smiles, am finally back. and am offering all those things because you have been patient, and stayed amazing while i was away. Here i am back feeling alive and beautiful! but still i owe you an explanation for my absence!

To be honest it feels like i haven’t blogged for the longest time possible. and well last time i checked blogging was my latest addiction. The reason behind me being absent is a pile of things including: a hard exam i was studying for, the planning of my trip and moving, the lack of enough Internet, and above all a shitty mood i’ve been in for over a week.

My exam is done now and went terribly terrible! like what the hell am i even still doing in school honestly? just kidding i gotta get through this like a boss! The trip is half done, am spending another 3 hours in a car on Saturday, packing was such a pain and blah blah blah ! The shitty mood is kind of improved but i still want to sleep and eat more than getting up on my butt and getting work done! so congratulate me for the write up!

did you realize i was absent? did i miss out on something ? drop and link!  and finally do you have any tips on how i can improve my mood and get over the moving anxiety?

Love and Happiness xx

Dear cold weather am warning you i’m not a fan!

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In very few weeks I will be relocating to the coldest part of the country. the beautiful city of Musanze, It’s the most mountainous part of Rwanda and famous for sheltering mountain Gorillas , it’s also one of the most popular tourist destination in Rwanda.

Am going to be in Musanze for 4 months while i do my clinical. and before worrying about anything else am worried about the weather  am not a fan  of cold weather at all and am allergic. One of those beautiful advantages of living in east Africa is you are spared of cold. It’s always kind of warm and sunny even in the coldest seasons. When I hear people telling me about the weather getting under 0  in their countries and  i simply freeze. The coldest it can get here is around 17.2 degrees c. And there absolutely is no snow so what am I even crying about!

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January is the warmest month of the year. The temperature in January averages 18.2 °C. In May, the average temperature is 17.2 °C. It is the lowest average temperature of the whole year. (www.climate-data.org)

I was talking to a sweet old man from living in Cyprus and he was telling me how it gets really cold there. Along with giving me a few advises as to how to dress and keep warm. a hat, gloves, a coat socks, a scarf etc.. I have no idea how cold it is in doors but I can’t wear a scarf, and gloves and a heavy coat in the hospital it will just be a normal outfit and probably a sweater under my white coat.

I also have to admit that i hate over clothing honestly!  besides am a woman in her early twenties so what are you thinking about?? Most of my clothes make sure my skin gets enough sun and wind. and that makes me feel beautiful and happy. On the bright side i have been promised that the cold weather will do my skin some good so am waiting for that climate beauty.

These days i like to look at the unknown eagerly with positivity and great hope and as the summer approaches Musanze is like an hour from Gisenyi where I can enjoy the sunny and beautiful Lake Kivu, the beach the sand everythingrw155

(Photo source http://www.orwelltoday.com)

Am anxious about the whole experience of going to a new place. I am also excited of it all, getting to see another kind of life in another city, making new friends and getting inspired by a totally new environment. so i can’t wait!

do you also hate the cold weather? any tips on to how to survive in the cold weather?

love and blessings xx

 

“Blood is red, Cyanosis is blue, Med school is a pain”

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Blood is red, Cyanosis is blue, medschool is a pain! but you know what? if this very handsome gentleman  Patrick Dempsey personally came to me and asked me to study my butt off,  i swear would. My grades would magically be at the top of the class instantly. Before i knew it i would be done with medical school. and out there being such a great great doctor!

Well i can put at up his picture on the background of my desktop when i study, but we all know he doesn’t know i am studying,  doesn’t know i need the strongest kind of motivation to keep it together, so slap me back to reality, and listen to me vent!

Am in the middle of some of those simply depressing semesters.wanna know why? haven’t done a single fair leave alone easy exam this whole semester. oh wait except medical ethics, rheumatology, and genetics but that’s all sir.

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One of the most frustrating things about being in medical school is that no matter how sleep deprived, tired , determined, hungry, and pissed off you are, its never enough. You need more. You keep finding out things you were supposed to know. things you must know to survive. and by this I mean make it to the next year without landing in a psychiatric hospital or else dropping out.

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Truth be told am not even one of the nerds! I have a rather relaxed kinda life style. you see me blogging all the time don’t you?, i do party, fool around, watch movies and make back and forth trips to town.

Even if I would say I don’t read much I actually do. We all do its just that we do it differently . Some go cold turkey others seek a little more fun and life into the whole experience without forgetting to panic about exams.

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I may seem not very dedicated, but boy am I trying so hard?I want to learn all these insanely complicated things so i can be able to serve ,to care , to help people. That is where my sole motivation lies. At times I just read through notes very quickly so I can pass the next exam. but that is not my goal, my goal is the overall making it, serving with my whole heart!

Bottom line is can somebody pray for me or at least give me a virtual hug?

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P.S if you read this whole post , and all my venting you are a star!

 

TO THE GIRL IN THE PICTURE

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Dear girl in the picture,

First time I saw you walk into my class, I hated you. You looked like the most arrogant and snobbish girl on the planet, and I thought to myself that I would never by any means be your friend. You looked like the type of girls I never want to talk to. The way you dressed, talked, and roll your eyes made me wonder what you thought you were.

Then my roommate befriended you, and I thought she was insane. No matter how she talked about your niceness I wouldn’t have any of it. At times I was forced to be around you, but how I hated you inside. Even when it got to the point where we could actually talk, I still thought you were superficial, spoilt and naïve.

The universe made sure that the most unexpected turn of events would lead me to me confiding in you. I nervously vent it all to you. While you took it all in carefully. I felt so bad to give away my secret. I might have been the most desperate girl in the world, until the darkness of my oblivion unveiled.
I saw the understanding and nonjudgmental you. I saw the wise and thoughtful you. I felt too small for your liking but you are full of love. How could I have hated you so much?

Looking back on all of that now, you are worth it all and more. You could wear too much lipstick; wear the skimpiest or lousiest outfit. You could roll your eyes or not smile to anyone and you would still be the amazing you.
May God bless us with 100 years of friendship, for us to laugh harder play more drinking games, for enjoying how young and beautiful we are, and giving each other stupid relationship advice, that never works.

P.S you are so pretty that it hurts