“My heart is pathetically poor”


cross sins

There was a time i have been spiritually strong or rather blessed and full of consolations, that i thought i was a rock that couldn’t shake, and that i would overcome anything by praying, that i had what it takes and the right weapon to fight with

Those times i felt like i would be able to deal with every heartache, every downfall with prayer and that i would swallow it all in and cling to Christ.

Little did i know that someday i would experience so much dryness that prayer would feel like empty words being thrown into the sky one after another. and no matter how i searched deeper and deeper i would only feel more even lost and disconnected from God’s grace and presence

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And for sometime i started to look elsewhere, to see if i could find answers in places i knew were the wrongest to find love, peace and the comfort i needed. Surrounding myself with material things didn’t help neither did looking for comfort in humanly love and affection

God is always near and close, and through dryness he teaches us to trust not based on the peace and consolations we get from him, but to love him for him and remember the poverty of our hearts, and know through absolute humility that we are weak, and pathetic and can’t do anything on our own.

To be able to pray and trust we need him, it all comes from his grace, the ability to resist from temptation, not to despair when we fall into great and repeated sins. Only his mercy saves us from sins and so there is no place for pride in spirituality because it all is his grace.