“Falling, rising and staying Great!”

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The picture above is of me and my classmates a few minutes after landing in Ruhengeri Hospital for our junior clerkship. I have never felt as energetic and enthusiastic as i felt that day. It was a cold rainy morning yet full of promises of what my life was going to be for the next 4 months.

I haven’t been posting lately because i practically live in the hospital. I work long hours, skip lunch often, and do more than am supposed to do as long as i feel its important to know. I have made learning and training myself as a future doctor a priority above everything else. which is good, motivating yet killing me at the same time! Today, i am posting this because am laying in bed sick, weak and with a mind thats making a long long speech about how weak and incapable i am!

WHAT I LEARNT THROUGH FALLING!

#1 when a car works longer distances than it used to it needs more fuel. without the fuel and extra care it needs it will inevitably break down. If you have an extra hectic schedule it’s the time to take better care of yourself. think of your health and self-care as the fuel you need so you don’t break down. Exercise, stay hydrated, eat more often and get good sleep and listen to your body.

 

#2 If you fail once or even twice: today i feel left behind and like the worst student because i was supposed to go at the hospital and be learning right now. a few days ago i failed a pathophysiology exam and i swear i wanted to die.

looking back now i failed one exam out of more than other 15 terribly hard exams!  and i feel like a loser ?? come on!!  i know am not the only one who feels this way but why should that one imperfection trick you into believing you are not great ? not trying hard ? and not making it ?

Same goes to how i felt he first week of clinicals.  I spent a long long time in the delivery room or operating theater learning a ton of things and i felt like the medical student am supposed to be. Now that am sick for a few days and i feel like a failure. but heck it’s not true !

#3 Falling, failing and not being as good as we wished we could be is always going to be part of the process.  Yet our light shines in the way we handle it.The way we believe in our greatness when they are no traces of it in the now. The way we still love ourselves, and the way we pick up the pace undiscouraged by the small bumps along the way.

AM SENDING STRENGTH AND LOVE TO EVERYONE FEELING LIKE THIS XX

 

“The art of bringing a life “

An isolated shot of a pregnant woman being examined by a doctor

 

 Picture borrowed from https://anesthesiology.georgetown.edu

Today is the third day of my clinicals which i was blessed to start in gynecology and obstetrics. which is  a special department because you all know after God creates he sends in that department before any other in few words we are the bosses you know ?

 The delivery room is among the busiest rooms in the hospital. am working in the delivery room this week. There is no sitting down for a minute, no time to breath, no lunch break, no nothing. Every 5 mins more than one woman is giving birth sometimes 10 all at once, along with a long list of those waiting for a c-section. i spend the day working with midwives, nurses and a doctor also nursing students and midwifery students. They are the most hardworking and patient people.

nigeria-delivery-roompicture from battabox.com

The magic inside! the first time i listened to a fetal heart beat through a fetoscope  i was in PCL2 and so i was like wow, i cant believe it! I would have stuck my ear to women bellies all day! i loved it

The first sight at an ultrasound is surprising and thrilling. Especially if a woman is a few weeks pregnant and not even showing. yet a tiny fetus lies peacefully inside thriving calmly yet vigorously. Tiny feet and hands and a little heart that beats so fast!Yet all of that still feels like an unclear proof that a life is in there.You almost don’t believe its a life.

 

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The pain, the fear, the pushing or c section doesn’t hold any poetry or magic  When the baby is finally out it feels there is the dream, the magic, the poetry, the everything you can imagine and more! When the baby cries, and is moving, eager to suck, alive  and breathing, opening little eyes. There you see a miracle of  how much of an artist , programmer, creator, and worker God really is!

How i feel about it ? Mixed feelings, brought about by the questioning of things that happen in the delivery room. am eager to learn every morning but when i get home  at night i feel a kind of frustration. I question myself how do i speak and help women who are terrified? in pain? uncertain of the next few minutes of their lives ?What  are the right eyes to look at them with? how do i learn and where do i start from?

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The side effects Right now am not still looking forward to getting pregnant as i did before. and i mean not even a little bit. but am not trying to scare anyone. I’ve heard what people go through before, but now its different I’ve seen several and different types of deliveries none of them looks like something to want, but babies are so worth it,  now what a terrible combination!

how do you feel about childbirth and does it scare you ? how did you feel right after having your baby ?

Love and blessings xx

 

“Make me a promise”

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Like a lone star in my chattered sky
i still risk holding on to you
My body hold so little life in it
time runs out and my hope keep on fading

and i get scared

when your schedule overflows
the floods of this busy world
will you try and fix me in?
When your feet are a few yards
from power,wealth and fame
will you step back to taste on my salty tears?

Tell me this

those people of the world you run in
surely match your philosophical thinking
when you meet the so wise and intelligent
won’t i find myself aside like a broken toy?

Sometimes i just can’t know

if my skin turns purple
in the coldness of a hospital bed
will the name you call me still be “honey”?

When i close my eyes and lose myself in a coffin to be hidden underground
will you put a rose beside me
?
When the world forgets me
when there is nothing left of me
will you tell your friends my story?

Copyright © 2016 FofoFlor

” I wrote this poem because  people love us when its more easy and convenient, when we are lovable but not when we have lost color and shape its easy to be abandoned ”

 

The trip is loading..

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The picture above is of me on Wednesday as i did part one of my trip to Kigali then doing the rest part tomorrow to Musanze ,for the most awaited clinicals!  the bestie is sound asleep!  while i take selfies involving the rest of the passengers without their consent of course!

She looks alot prettier than that when she is awake i promise! and am not gonna see her for a long time and its gonna kill me. on the bright side she can be terrible influence ( in a sweet way though) at times so i will concentrate on learning how to save lives insteaIMG_20160504_172319

Taken through the window of the bus  on our way, somewhere near Kigali..it takes being in a bus to admire the beauty of my country!

anybody wants to wish me a safe journey?

HELLO IT’S MEE !!

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HELLO IT’S ME, everyone please have a banana, if you hate bananas have a minion, if you hate minions well have a glass of water its good for your health!! smiles smiles smiles, am finally back. and am offering all those things because you have been patient, and stayed amazing while i was away. Here i am back feeling alive and beautiful! but still i owe you an explanation for my absence!

To be honest it feels like i haven’t blogged for the longest time possible. and well last time i checked blogging was my latest addiction. The reason behind me being absent is a pile of things including: a hard exam i was studying for, the planning of my trip and moving, the lack of enough Internet, and above all a shitty mood i’ve been in for over a week.

My exam is done now and went terribly terrible! like what the hell am i even still doing in school honestly? just kidding i gotta get through this like a boss! The trip is half done, am spending another 3 hours in a car on Saturday, packing was such a pain and blah blah blah ! The shitty mood is kind of improved but i still want to sleep and eat more than getting up on my butt and getting work done! so congratulate me for the write up!

did you realize i was absent? did i miss out on something ? drop and link!  and finally do you have any tips on how i can improve my mood and get over the moving anxiety?

Love and Happiness xx