Several years ago i came up with a theory that smiling ruined my pictures! ruined the way i look and everything else! I would never say” cheeeeeeeesee “even if the photographer would insist a zillion times. And I took a million pictures looking darn serious, indifferent disinterested or if i was polite enough would make sure to smile without showing my teeth..its like smiling but not exactly because smiling makes me ugly remember?
Well flash news is the pictures looked terrible anyway if they were supposed to look terrible! and i had a collection of pictures over the years that showed a girl who seemed to be in another place. When others where happy. acting the mood and the moment.
At some point I went back to all those pictures and tried to figure out what they portrayed. They didn’t necessarily show that I was a depressed little girl, or that I had esteem issues and a unexisting confidence. Some of them were probably pretty and I looked like a model you know how their faces look in pictures but I din’t want to portray something that wasn’t me anymore
“The world will define beauty, differently, it will define beauty as it wants, my kind of beauty is the genuine and happy one” Flor
So I started on with forced smiles, plastic smiles that looked like someone had photoshoped the smile into my face! then I realized it still wasn’t real but I was trying anyway. So if you’re a girl you also probably know that angle that makes you look prettier and stick to it so I was all plastic smiles and best angle, to my disappointment I still looked unbelievably ugly (in my mind) that I thought I would simply avoid pictures this time.
Then I started to ask myself what matters the most, if it’s that my pictures portrays who i am, and what I feel at the moment or the love I feel for life and people in it, people around me and people in the same pictures with me, or if it mattered that the pictures would look as in a magazine but would show me someone I don’t recognize when I was supposed to be looking at a reflection of myself.
So the new me is all smiles and I don’t care if my big nose is all over the place when i smile, I care that my pictures show who I want people to see when they look at me. I care that they show happiness because so many things go wrong but not all of them do. and my story is a happy one. I care that I want to be remembered as I am and not an image of the flawless me I pretend to look like, i care that i believe am beautiful no matter how differently the world defines beauty.
” WARNING THE SMILE IS FAKE!!”