IF THE HEART COULD WRITE

0d3bfd37b7873e5877b6857bcabf9579Inside of us where it silently resides
suffocated by fumes of hatred and lies
it melts in façades we wear and dies
the world ignores its ghostlike voice
at its grave grew a rotten rose
if it could write what it wants the most

the hands of men wrote themselves verses of solace
the lame heart can’t write down its conscience
with humility it gives out its reason
poor heart that always long to be true
but it can’t write so we paint it blue

if the heart had magical hands of an artist
if it had the colors to portrait its protest
i wish it that as i rythm my sighs
i’m lucky that my pen sings even when am quiet
but one day i’ll hand my own heart a pen
let it write the psalm of its pain

 

21 breakup songs for 3 types of girls

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This playlist best suits the fierce, bold, harsh girls who pretty much think they can do all bad by themselves, and that those guys who broke their hearts were losers anyway!

1. Fuck it – Eamon
2. Over it -Catherine Mcphee
3. Leave-Jojo
4. Yesterday-Trey Songz ft Toni Braxton
5. No love -Eminem
6. Love hurts- Denyque
7. Say it  all-Nelly Furtado

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This playlist identifies with emotional girls, who will feel the hurt but still keep their heads above the water, gather their strength to move on and not lose themselves into the break up even if they know it hurt like hell.

1. Skyscrapers – Demi Lavato
2. I was a fool – Tegan and Sarah
3. Damaged -Shayne Ward
4.Better in time-Leonna Lewis
5. Jar of hearts -Christina Perry
6. Now am all messed up -Tegan and Sarah
7. Win -Jarell Perry

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This playlist is for the hopeless romantic, who are soft and fragile at heart , likely to pursue false hopes of the guy coming back someday,  they are the type who fall too hard and can’t imagine going on after the breakup because of the so  cliche line ” i can’t live without you” this playlist is not recommended it will make it a whole lot harder than it is to let go.
1. Unbreak  my heart-Toni Braxton
2. Because of you- Kelly Clarkson
3. Everytime -Britney Spears
4. Goodbye my lover-James Blunt
5. Someone like you- Adele
6. My immortal- Evanescence
7 Show me the meaning- Backstreet Boys

”  you can break down a woman temporarily but a real woman will always pick up the pieces rebuild herself and come back stronger than ever”

My heart closed me out today..

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When i woke up today, the first thing that came to mind was the plans i visualized yesterday. The plans of what a perfect and fulfilling day,i would make it.Starting by spending time meditating and praying in the quiet of a a church. Like any other devout catholic would do on good Friday!

By the looks of the day and the feeling inside as i struggled to get out of bed.I knew it was going to be one of those days! Those days when i wake up and have to decide if I should shower or not, if i am going to show up or simply hide behind the walls of my dead quiet room. Today was one of those days where the tight sexy dress doesn’t feel right to wear and neither the loose long outfits i have does. My heart  had sold me out to the demons again.

There are days when I wake up and everything flows naturally. I wake up know the answers to everything, know where to go, what do to and how to do it. and on those days i fool myself into believing, am one of those people who have got it all under control. That’s if they even exist at all. Normally 9 out of 10 mornings i wake up completely off the hook, feeling like am recovering from the hangover of being drunk on living for too long.

Then i take a few minutes  and a few deep breaths and  beg my heart to take me to that place. to my faith, the hope that something will unfold in the day. That i will learn something new,or be blessed with a new dose of patience, acceptance and peace. I remember all the days i made it work, and like a flower blooming i get energized  into  the unstoppable woman i am. On those days i feel worthy of self-love and i feel like my existence isn’t that ridiculous after all!

But deep inside I know that when the heart closes me out, keeps me away from self love, is when i need it the most.  I know there are happy endings of many the stories in my life. i just need to remember how much i’ve endured. How many more times i can go through fire and come out unburnt! and that alone can fight the anxiety of keeping it all together. The weak me that isn’t the overall of who I am, but a part to embrace about human nature and growing the strength to still keep balance in days, where my motivation is hard to reach. to remember that the fire is still alive in me, and that i can reach it.

” I JUST NEED TO REMEMBER HOW MUCH I’VE ENDURED, AND HOW MANY MORE TIMES I CAN GO THROUGH FIRE AND COME OUT UNBURNT”

 

LIEBSTER AWARD!

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Hello everyone,I was nominated for a Liebster  Award by the Sara Bacthelor! i so very much thank her for nominating me, am humbled and here is her blog https://sarabatchelor.wordpress.com  and trust me its so worth looking at !

As part of being nominated for the award there are 6 easy rules to follow:

  1. Thank the blogger who nominated you
  2. Display the award on your blog
  3. Answer a set of 11 questions provided from the blogger that you were nominated by
  4. Post 11 random facts about yourself
  5. Nominate 11 blogs with less than 1000 follows
  6. Create your own set of questions for your nominations to answer

MY TURN TO ANSWER THE QUESTIONS!

WHY DID YOU START BLOGGING?

i have always wanted to, because my closest friends say i have a talent for words, because its a good way to express myself to the world out there with my own voice, and also because i want to explore a lot of new things  at this point in my life!

 1.DESCRIBE YOURSELF IN 3 WORDS

honest, kind, full of faith ( i guess thats more than 3 words but its okay)

2.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG RIGHT NOW?

Zara Larson- UNCOVER

3.WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN 5 YEARS?

graduated from medical school, new young doctor, engaged to be married to an amazing man!

4.WHO IS YOUR BIGGEST BLOGGING INSPIRATION?

JILL ROBBINS,  its funny because she has a mommy blog and mostly talks about parenting and adoption but she expresses herself in such a unique, hilarious and entertaining way, am addicted to her blog : http://rippedjeansandbifocals.com oh God how i love her!

5.HAVE YOU EVER TRAVELED IF SO WHERE?

Nope, but hoping to change that soon enough!

6.WOULD YOU ENCOURAGE YOUR FRIENDS TO START A BLOG WHY?/WHY NOT?

Absolutely, my blog is only a few days old but, the experience is simply amazing i feel like, am in a community of people that can relate to my writing, its a great source of inspiration and developing skills of self expression!, and it makes me want to write more and more so it keeps my life creative and eager to learn!

7.WHAT SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS DO YOU USE TO PROMOTE YOUR BLOG CONTENT?

Mainly facebook, then twitter, and google plus, and am learning how to use pinterst too

8.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE OF ALL THE TIME!

St Vincent

9.HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN BLOGGING?

10 days today

10.WHAT DO YOU DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME BESIDES BLOGGING?

Sleeping, waching series, and spending time with Lillian and Karen

11 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME

 

  1. My zodiac sign is Gemini
  2. Am from Rwanda
  3. I am a medical student
  4. I literally eat fries almost everyday
  5. I don’t read that much for a medical student
  6. I have a nice singing voice
  7. I hate having breakfast
  8. I am a catholic
  9. I am an only child
  10.  am single
  11. i hate talking on the phone

MY NOMINEES

1.Laura :https://sundaysgirlblog.wordpress.com

2. Katie :https://thecrustisthebestpart.wordpress.com

3. Anita :www.ihearyoubutwhy.blog.com

4.Pratisha :http://typedemotions.wordpress.com

5.Mirrissa Price :http://mirissaprice.wordpress.com

6.Jessica :https://theresabookforthatblog.wordpress.com

7.Limarie :https://herbreakingpoint.wordpress.com

8.Ms ambitchious :https://thegoddess1996.wordpress.com

9. Nam :http://scratchesandscribblesblog.wordpress.com

10. Quirky Victorian :http://overanalysingliterature.wordpress.com

11.Bonnie :http://windywonderings.wordpress.com

 

 

QUESTIONS FOR MY NOMINEES

  1. what do you like most about blogging ?
  2. what value defines you most
  3. are you in a relationship
  4. what do you expect to get from blogging ?
  5.  how many times do you publish something on your blog in a week?
  6. who is your most favorite person in the world?
  7. what keeps you going when you feel like giving up?
  8. who is your celebrity crush?
  9. what is your most important strength?
  10. what things challenged you the most when you started blogging?
  11. how many followers do you have?

 

 

 

 

You’re in charge now. Complete the questions, nominate 11 blogs and set another new 11 questions for them to answer.

Thank you again so much and for the nomination and for the nominees have fun! xoxo

 

TELL HIM

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TELL HIM

Show him the hidden part of myself
another me he has no clue about,
and those wasted pieces of my wealth
new things he can’t think about
picture him all that my life is like
untold words my throat has to fight
explain him my mistakes
tell him my reasons

Grab him by the hand, that man
right to the edge of my secret land
whisper my thoughts to his ear
play him the melody of a heart so clear
let him read my soul like a sentence
to capturet he time we lost in silence
give him my message
tell him to understand

he won’t need to use notes
it’s just to tell me words
his voice coming out like a lullaby
giving me strength in a fantasy
loosening the curfew, letting me go
listening to the rules,and fighting me not
teach him my senses
tell him who i am.

“5 THINGS AM SECRETLY OBSESSED WITH”

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#1 WEDDING PICTURES

I cannot count how many hours I spent on Facebook looking at random wedding pictures, of people i don’t even know.So if we count that’s like 586795 hours. You might as well call me an addict. When I see a wedding picture a lot of things come to my mind, mostly the first thing is wondering what the couple’s love story is.what it takes to finally reach that step of the greatest commitment.At times I also wonder if none of them is being deceived. If they are going to regret it or if those lovely pictures aren’t a product of all the wrong reasons to commit to a person for life.The optimism that keeps me obsessed is the imagination of a dream come true, of a love that wins, a love that lasts.Finally building a home with the person you love. If not having them become your home.

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#2 ADOPTION STORIES

When I think of adoption a feel a little heartbreak. I think of a child who would have to grow up out of the nest of where they biologically belong. The possibility that the child may never have to know their true roots. As much as its disturbing to thinking of it that way.Adoption is a story of hope, to the child that will be given love, acceptance, and a home by people who would otherwise be strangers. The family, that is welcoming someone new with a commitment to love them and make them their family, a family that is probably going to experience wholeness after years of fighting infertility, or simply the need of a child to love.

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#3 THE BEACH

I  honestly don’t know how to break the news to you, but in my 21 beautiful years of life, Ive never been to a beach!  I recently visited some small lake in my country, but there was no sand, and no sun so it was less magical. However the sight of water, the sound, and breeze are still breathtaking. I have always felt like a beach is one of those places where magic happens, a place of inspiration, of nature’s music, and contemplation of how much beauty there is in this world, and finally be grateful as we can to be here.I so much intend to go as many beaches as possible.I only hope my life is long enough

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#4 MOTHERHOOD

Motherhood is one of the mysterious and sacred things that you can only understand once you are a mother. I have tried to meditate, internalize and make sense of it with no much success. If God made me chose again, and again a thousand times, i would trade nothing for being a woman. being made to carry and nurture life before anyone in the world gets to know about it.Unconsciously protecting it with all you are.Loving them that they become more important than yourself. The mystery of watching someone so little, and fragile growing under your eyes. protecting them with humanly and supernatural power making sure they thrive. Having them be yours and at the same time their own independent being. that will always be an extension of you.

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#5 INTERRACIAL COUPLES

Whenever i see an interracial couple somewhere along the way, I can’t help but turn and steals a few looks, but that’s not enough because i also immediately start to try to figure out how they met, fell in love blah blah!! One thing i always ask myself is how they got past the barriers of their cultural differences, different upbringing and  origin and merge those differences in one wonderful common ground called love and companionship. How they carry on merging those differences in raising their children that are neither this race or the other but a magnificent cocktail. Its beautiful how our souls despite what we look like or where we come from have the ability to recognize each other and fall into oneness.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NO HUMAN BEING IS ILLEGAL

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The world is full of different opinions, and they even have facts as to why some human beings should be more acceptable than others. Living in a country with a history of Genocide, am always thinking about the refugee crisis. and what its like to be shut out and left in the open to die..am also wondering how many of my friends, families, and country mates would have survived if every country closed their doors on them..the world is not fair.. but fairness is overrated!!

 

        ” NO ONE LEAVES HOME UNLESS HOME IS THE MOUTH OF A SHARK”

 

TO THE GIRL IN THE PICTURE

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Dear girl in the picture,

First time I saw you walk into my class, I hated you. You looked like the most arrogant and snobbish girl on the planet, and I thought to myself that I would never by any means be your friend. You looked like the type of girls I never want to talk to. The way you dressed, talked, and roll your eyes made me wonder what you thought you were.

Then my roommate befriended you, and I thought she was insane. No matter how she talked about your niceness I wouldn’t have any of it. At times I was forced to be around you, but how I hated you inside. Even when it got to the point where we could actually talk, I still thought you were superficial, spoilt and naïve.

The universe made sure that the most unexpected turn of events would lead me to me confiding in you. I nervously vent it all to you. While you took it all in carefully. I felt so bad to give away my secret. I might have been the most desperate girl in the world, until the darkness of my oblivion unveiled.
I saw the understanding and nonjudgmental you. I saw the wise and thoughtful you. I felt too small for your liking but you are full of love. How could I have hated you so much?

Looking back on all of that now, you are worth it all and more. You could wear too much lipstick; wear the skimpiest or lousiest outfit. You could roll your eyes or not smile to anyone and you would still be the amazing you.
May God bless us with 100 years of friendship, for us to laugh harder play more drinking games, for enjoying how young and beautiful we are, and giving each other stupid relationship advice, that never works.

P.S you are so pretty that it hurts

3 days old blog:” Am already getting some love”

Today my blog is 3 days old, and i knew nothing about the pressure of starting a new blog or  how it feels to wonder if you should click the publish button or not, so is it because am an anxious wreck normally or not , well many new bloggers may be feeling like me…out of the so many advices given to new bloggers, this stuck with me ” don’t take blogging too seriously“,

that has to be a self reminder if i ever obsess about how to get people to read my blog, if am saying the right things or can’t seem to come up with what to post next, one of my gaols is to express myself in such  a way i feel that its my own voice that’s speaking, another gaol is to have fun, if i achieve that i will be doing things right

being genuine and being myself, sharing my inner beauty and the uniqueness of my thoughts mean everything to me

am happy and surprised that alot of people think this blog is a brilliant idea and like it, am also grateful for the love am getting from fellow bloggers and friends, its encouraging and definitely keeping me going..

bottom line is everything starts somewhere, and we grow with time, so let time do the work..and take it easy .. that is if you are a new blogger like me..otherwise if you ever stop by to read my blog stay tuned, more is coming…xoxo